← All confessions · First Time 2026-09-30

Operation Tidy-Up

Mum came to stay and announced she'd give the bedroom 'a quick tidy'. She had never moved faster.

How it started

My mum is lovely, and she is also the most helpful person on the planet. She came to stay for a long weekend and, within an hour of arriving, announced she'd just give the bedroom 'a quick tidy' while I made tea. I was halfway through filling the kettle when I remembered the bedside drawer. I have never moved faster in my life. I abandoned the kettle mid-pour, sprinted down the hallway and did a dive over the bed that I didn't know my body was capable of, landing on the drawer just as she reached for it. She was already holding a duster.

Then it happened

She stared at me sprawled on the duvet. I said I'd seen a spider. She said, 'In the drawer?' I said yes, a very big one. She went to make the tea instead. Later, she casually mentioned that I should get a lockable box, for spiders. She bought me one for Christmas, wrapped in paper covered with little cartoon spiders, and gave me a look that said everything. We have never discussed it, and we never will. I keep the spider wrapping paper.

The morning after

The spider story has become family legend. Her mum tells it at every family gathering with a straight face and a knowing look. Her dad still checks the bedroom for spiders whenever he visits. Nobody has ever explained.