← All confessions · First Time 2026-10-02

Cart Abandonment Queen

Two hours, eleven tabs and a spreadsheet. Then she bought the cutest colour in forty seconds.

How it started

I am a researcher by nature. When I decided to buy my first toy, I opened eleven tabs, read reviews from three continents and made a spreadsheet comparing size, noise level, battery life, material and warranty. I colour-coded it. My browser was a mess. After two hours, I'd narrowed it down to four options and felt more confused than when I started. Everything seemed good. Everything had a downside. I sat staring at the screen until I panicked, picked the one in a lovely shade of lilac and checked out in forty seconds flat. I even ranked them by how cute the box looked.

Then it happened

It turned out to be perfect: body-safe, quiet, easy to use. The spreadsheet remains unused, a monument to overthinking. I've since shared it with three friends, who all ignored it and picked by colour too. My friend asked how I chose. I said I followed my heart, which was technically true. My heart just happens to love lilac. She bought the same one in mint and texted me 'you were right' the following week.

The morning after

The spreadsheet has now been forwarded to eleven women, at least three of whom bought the same lilac model. Somebody added a column titled 'how cute is it'. It is the most-shared document in her friend group's history.